Top One Arnold Schwarzenegger Comeback Film

1. "Conan the Septuagenarian"

Top One Demand When Pirates Kidnap Your Ty-D-Bowl Man

1. No flushing on any day with an "ARRRRRRRRRRR!" in it.

The Easter Bunny's Top One Favorite TV Episode

1. "Matlock Visits a Pellet Court"

The Easter Bunny's Top One Guilty Pleasure Double Feature

1. "Flopsy Wopsy Gets Viagra" and "Thumper: The 'T' Is Silent"

The Easter Bunny's Top One Movie Thriller

1. "The Day the Nose Wiggle Stood Still"

Top One Thing to Remember During a Food Poisoning Attack

1. Pinky finger up while imbibing Pepto-Bismol cup.

Top One Pie Chart Involving Billy Mays

1.

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Top One Other Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. The training wheels on the gut.

Top One Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. Strangers pet your belly and call you "Octo-Mom."

Top One Old Married Guy's Friday the 13th Fear

1. Paves way to Feb. 14 ambush smooches!