Top One Pie Chart Involving Billy Mays

1.

_{By wacow45, courtesy GraphJam}

Top One Other Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. The training wheels on the gut.

Top One Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. Strangers pet your belly and call you "Octo-Mom."

Top One Old Married Guy's Friday the 13th Fear

1. Paves way to Feb. 14 ambush smooches!

Top One Troubling Indicator

1.

Notification Alert:

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, oil, as well as current market and political conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

_{Circulating via email, thanks to Stan Malone}

Top One Startling Fact About the Biggest-Known Snake in the World

1. Believed to be 42' 6", beating previous record holder, Bernie Madoff, by 37'-something.

Top One NASA Exploration Quest in Outer Space

1. Sign of intelligent life at MSNBC.

Top One Perk to Printer That Prints Using Coffee or Tea

"The RITI Coffee Printer uses coffee dregs or tea leaves to print documents." --About.com Chemistry

1. Swearing censored by decaf.

Top One Sound Effect

1. Is there anything louder than a silent movie?