Top One Demand When Pirates Kidnap Your Ty-D-Bowl Man

1. No flushing on any day with an "ARRRRRRRRRRR!" in it.

The Easter Bunny's Top One Favorite TV Episode

1. "Matlock Visits a Pellet Court"

The Easter Bunny's Top One Guilty Pleasure Double Feature

1. "Flopsy Wopsy Gets Viagra" and "Thumper: The 'T' Is Silent"

The Easter Bunny's Top One Movie Thriller

1. "The Day the Nose Wiggle Stood Still"

Top One Thing to Remember During a Food Poisoning Attack

1. Pinky finger up while imbibing Pepto-Bismol cup.

Top One Pie Chart Involving Billy Mays

1.

_{By wacow45, courtesy GraphJam}

Top One Other Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. The training wheels on the gut.

Top One Sign the Diet Is Not Working

1. Strangers pet your belly and call you "Octo-Mom."

Top One Old Married Guy's Friday the 13th Fear

1. Paves way to Feb. 14 ambush smooches!

Top One Troubling Indicator

1.

Notification Alert:

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, oil, as well as current market and political conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

_{Circulating via email, thanks to Stan Malone}

Top One Startling Fact About the Biggest-Known Snake in the World

1. Believed to be 42' 6", beating previous record holder, Bernie Madoff, by 37'-something.

Top One NASA Exploration Quest in Outer Space

1. Sign of intelligent life at MSNBC.

Top One Perk to Printer That Prints Using Coffee or Tea

"The RITI Coffee Printer uses coffee dregs or tea leaves to print documents." --About.com Chemistry

1. Swearing censored by decaf.

Top One Sound Effect

1. Is there anything louder than a silent movie?

Top One Something You Hate to See

1. Your Bunny Hop instructor is missing his lucky foot.

Top One Benedict XVI Music Video on the Vatican YouTube Channel

1. (Tie) "Boo Sexy for My Skirt" and "Popefully Devoted to Luke"

Top One Video on the Vatican YouTube Channel

1. "Popemobile NASCAR Deciples 12 Racing Trials (and Tribulations)"

Replay on the third day.

Top One Way to Get Bumped From Jury Duty

1. Bake and take cupcakes for everyone, but only as a "guilty pleasure."

Top One Change in the Hip-Hop Remake of 'Notorious'

1. Instead of looking for uranium, they looking for yo momma!