Friday, March 31, 2006

Top One NASCAR Meat

"Today's entry in 'when licensing goes wrong' is NASCAR Meats. Its Web site ( encourages you to 'get a taste of your favorite sport' and 'rev up your taste buds for the exciting taste.' Included among the selections is smoked sausage. Are they smoked with burning rubber or exhaust fumes?" --"Seattle Post-Intelligencer"

And the Top One NASCAR Meat:

Red Necks.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Top One Buck Owens Epitaph

"Singer Buck Owens, the flashy rhinestone cowboy who shaped the sound of country music with hits like 'Act Naturally' and brought the genre to TV on the long-running 'Hee Haw,' died Saturday. He was 76." --"The Hollywood Reporter"

And the Top One Buck Owens Epitaph:

"Here's Roy Clark."

Friday, March 24, 2006

Top One Showtime for "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector"

1. We'll be there sometime between 8 a.m. tomorrow and 5 p.m. the twelfth of never.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Top One Reason Mike Wallace Is Retiring From "60 Minutes"

1. That darn whippersnapper Morley Safer used the youth card.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Top One Sign You're a Blonde Lobster

"Divers have discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur, French researchers said Tuesday." --CNN
1. The beauty baths in butter sauce.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Top One Rap Song Nominated for an Academy Award

1. "Bibbidy-Bobbidi-Boo" (1950)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Top One Sign March Entered Like a Lamb

1. Woke up in a garlicky beef broth with onion and mint jelly on the side.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

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