Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Top One Sign You're Not Exciting

1. Your Personal Pan Pizza is a raisin muffin.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Top One Sign You're Dull

1. Your heart murmer is on Kenny G's iPod.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Top One Rejected Coffee Based on an Elvis Presley Movie

The Elvis Presley name is being used to market new beverages. --AP
1. Stay Away Joe ("Stay Away, Joe")

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Top One Coffee Based on an Elvis Presley Movie

Specialty coffees bearing the Elvis Presley name are going on sale. --AP
1. Foam in Cappuccino ("Fun in Acapulco")

Monday, November 21, 2005

Top One Sure-Fire Elvis Presley Coffee

"Elvis Presley Enterprises green-lighted four limited-edition holiday coffees ... called Santa Baby, Blue Christmas, Love Me Tender and Silent Night, which is the decaf version." --AP
1. Latte Tender

Friday, November 18, 2005

Top One Reason Michael Jackson Visits a Ladies Room

"The pop star's publicist said Jackson ... did not understand the Arabic sign on the door [in the United Arab Emirates] and left the bathroom as soon as he realized his mistake. ... But local newspapers reported that the 47-year-old performer did not quickly leave the bathroom and was spotted applying makeup...."
1. Peter Pantyhose

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Top One Reason Jennifer Aniston Named GQ's "Man of the Year"

Jennifer Aniston, Man of the Year1. Pitty

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Top One Worry When Your Butt Is Glued to a Toilet Seat

A company "was sued by a shopper from a Colorado store who claims he got stuck to a restroom toilet seat because a prankster had smeared it with glue." --AP
1. Will I make the paper?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Monday, November 14, 2005

Friday, November 11, 2005

Top One Thing Girls Should Know About Boycut Denim Jeans

Old Navy Boycut Denim 
1. Uh, lose the sock.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Top One Cheerleaders Sex Frill

"Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested ... after a fight in a Tampa, Fla., bar that broke out when patrons complained that the cheerleaders were having sex in a bathroom stall." --"Seattle Post-Intelligencer"
1. Palm-palms.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Top One Definition of TV's "Sweeps Week"

1. The seven-day process of arranging Donald Trump's combover.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Top One All-New, Never-Before-Seen Sylvester Stallone Movie Franchise

"Sylvester Stallone will reprise his role as gun-toting John Rambo in the upcoming 'Rambo IV.' ... Stallone also intends to bring boxer Rocky Balboa out of retirement ... [for] 'Rocky Balboa,' the sixth film in that franchise." --Associated Press
1. "Rocky vs. Rambo"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Top One New "Rambo: First Blood" Sequel Title

Sylvester "Stallone, 59, will bring back the gun-toting Vietnam veteran for the fourth movie in the series. Ben Nedivi, of co-producers Millennium Films, said it will recapture the rawness of 'First Blood,' which launched the franchise 23 years ago." --BBC News
1. "Rambo: First Geritol: 'For Iron-Poor Tired Blood'"

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Top One Concern About Florida's Python Infestation

"Pet Burmese pythons have been dumped illegally in Florida's Everglades National Park. ... Now hundreds of the constrictors — which reach upwards of 19 feet (6 meters) and 200 pounds (91 kilograms) — are breeding and expanding their range in Florida wetlands." --"National Geographic" 
1. The snake charmers in flight school.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Top One Way to Stop Popping Pimples

1. Pack face in bubble wrap.

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