Friday, September 30, 2005

Top One Wish for NBC's "Three Wishes"

1. Cancellation

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Top One Unhappy Moment at the Demi Moore - Ashton Kutcher Wedding

1. She: Paying the caterer. He: Naptime.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Top One Happy Moment at the Demi Moore - Ashton Kutcher Wedding

1. She: Opening the wedding gifts. He: Making a fort out of all the empty boxes!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Top One FBI Porno Squad Operation

1. A Fistful of Dolls

Monday, September 26, 2005

Top One FBI Porno Agent Code Name

1. Fluff the Magic Dragon

Friday, September 23, 2005

Top One FBI Porno Squad Requirement for Applicants

"The new squad will ... gather evidence against 'manufacturers and purveyors' of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults." --"The Washington Post"
1. Must be handy around the office.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Top One Name for Britney Spears' Next Baby

1. Oops!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Top One Name for Britney Spears' New Fragrance

1. Poo Poo Huggies

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Top One Nickname for Britney Spears' Baby

1. Career Killer

Monday, September 19, 2005

Friday, September 16, 2005

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Top One Name for Britney Spears' Baby

1. M. Bare Assed

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Top One Way to Thwart Icky Green Men From Outer Space

1. Introduce them to your *sister,* The Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Top One Way to Thwart Bloodthirsty Aliens From Outer Space

1. Wear tin foil hat. Be mistaken for Hershey's Kiss.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Top One Way Hookers Can Be More Like Wrecker Trucks

1. $50 for the tow, plus $2 per smile.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Top One Reason to Serve Classic Recipes

1. You're no longer a bad cook. Friends now think your food tastes fashionably old.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Top One #1 Best-Selling Author

1. Coen Van Der Kroon, "Golden Fountain : The Complete Guide to Urine Therapy"

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Top One Michael Jackson Macho Makeover Maneuver

Michael "Jackson, 47, is having his redo done in Bahrain and ... is lifting weights and will wear shorter hair and less makeup." --"The Mercury News"
1. Goodbye, Diana Ross. Hello, Rosie O'Donnell.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Top One Jerry Lewis Telethon Moment

1. Jerry dribbled cherry limeade down Charo's flahBLAVEEEEEEEEE! A rash came up on her fweepPOOOOOOOOOOBEEEEE! All while the nice lady person strummed her MEL-VINNnnn...

Friday, September 02, 2005

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Top One Reason Athletes Prefer Jogging to Bicycling

1. Get to wear the mudflap.

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